This was my mom's idea. Actually she told me I should write a book but I figured this might be more useful for more people since the likelihood that I would ever actually publish a book is really quite small. Anyway ... the point is for me to keep track of my thoughts as a first time momma since memories tend to get a little rosier with time. Not that there aren't any real rosy memories to be had but I'd like to remember it as it really happened ... and hopefully help out some other first time mommas as well!
My little girl is already three weeks old now and since those three weeks are pretty important ones, I will try to summarize it as best as I can.
When I had her, I had been awake for nearly 48 hours straight (and 17 of those, I was in labor) so I was pretty tired. It took awhile for me to catch up again. Recovery in general was a lot harder than I was expecting ... even though I had been justly warned that it would be tough. I didn't understand why. Giving birth definitely puts some stress on the body!! I was just exhausted for at least a week before I started to feel somewhat functional again. Even though I was up and moving around (with difficulty) immediately ... the actual recovery took some time. Now at three weeks out I only really feel sleep deprived when she keeps me up all night ... which she likes to do occasionally just to keep me on my toes I think.
I think the toughest thing so far has been the breast feeding. Maybe it's because I didn't really expect it to be tough? She was given to me immediately after she was born and we had her latch on right away ... and she did latch on. The difficulty is that although she has an effective latch, it's not a good one. So it hurts. And it hurts a lot. It was extremely frustrating for me. When she would latch on (mostly on the left side ... for some reason my right side adjusted just fine to this torture), I would squeeze my eyes shut, my feet would fly up into the air, and every muscle in my body would tense up. Sometimes I would cry out, and sometimes I would just cry. It was very painful and I was not seeing the benefits in torturing myself every day, many times a day. Just two days ago, we found out about something called breast shells (not to be mistaken for nipple shields) that cover the nipple when I'm not nursing, but give them air (there are holes in it) so that it can heal. It seems my problem was that I had a blister on my left side that wasn't getting a chance to heal because it had no prolonged exposure to the air (and I wasn't willing to walk around without a top on). The shells have made a world of difference. It still hurts but not nearly as much. Now that the blister can heal I am betting it will stop hurting entirely pretty soon. And we are working on the latch which is also slowly improving. The only problem was that after wearing the shell for 2 straight days, I read in the directions I was only supposed to wear it for 40 minutes at a time. Whoops.
One thing that people keep asking me is about sleep. How am I sleeping? Well it depends on the night. It takes a long time to get used to sleeping in 2-3 hour increments but I am slowly getting there. At this point, I am usually pretty awake by the time she is finished with her feeding. She is currently in the middle (or possibly just ended) of her 3 week growth spurt. That means she wanted to eat every 1-2 hours for a couple of days. That is tough at night!! It was frustrating because despite having many many warnings that this would happen ... we were still caught off guard. Why? Because when she hit the spurt, for some reason she decided to stop showing any signs of being hungry. She would just wake up and SCREAM, leaving us wondering what was wrong. Naturally the first thing we guessed was gas. Once we figured out it was the growth spurt, we started feeding her pretty quickly after she started crying and things have gone more smoothly since then. Today she has finally calmed down a bit and after two days of wanting to eat constantly ... I am feeling a little bit engorged. Ouch.
Apparently something that is not uncommon for new moms is NOT being attached and immediately in love with your new baby. This is not a problem I've had. I can stare at her, and cuddle with her, all day. I love her to bits. What has been strange for me is that I still haven't quite grasped that she is mine! It still doesn't feel real. You'd think pushing her out and feeding her every 3 hours for 3 weeks would have pounded that into my head pretty well ... but it hasn't. I'm not sure how much longer it will take for it to sink in.
I find that I "spoil" her much more than expected. I just want to hold her constantly. She's so cute and precious and I can't help myself. As soon as she cries, I scoop her up and cuddle her. After she eats, I don't want to put her down. That's actually my favorite time to cuddle with her since she's always so perfectly content then. Often in the morning after her last night feeding we will stay out in the main room in the chair together and just cuddle for a couple of hours. It's the best. :) I know she won't let me do this for long so I have to take advantage of it while I still can.
And emotions!! I am NOT an emotional person. Anybody who knows me at all can tell you that. Even during the entire pregnancy I seemed to be relatively unaffected by hormones making me overly emotional. There were only a few days when I can say that I was definitely acting out of character due to hormones. But ever since she was born I have definitely been more emotional (probably a normal level for most people). I cry much more easily. Not for stupid reasons (don't worry ... it's not PPD) but for reasons that I don't think would have bothered me before. I wonder if this will last or if it will fade in time.
Last? My body. My hips feel like they have been permanently displaced making me wonder if I will EVER fit in my pre-pregnancy clothes. My stomach has flattened quite a bit (though not completely) but it's all flabby and really quite gross looking in my opinion. I still have 25lbs to lose and I can't wait until I can exercise again (3 more weeks!) to start getting back on track. But really ... I'm not sure my stomach will ever fully recover. It's been pretty damaged and stretched to the max.
My hope for this blog is to update as often as possible (hopefully daily?) to document each and every day as a new momma. I have a personal blog and a blog for my baby and a blog for my business ... but this one is for all the new momma's out there who just want to read the experiences of another new momma. Wish me luck!!
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